I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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