Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
