just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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