I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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