how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
