A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dick has a subreddit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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