I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
