he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
