Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
