Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
