I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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