You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
