He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
