He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
