I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
