How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
