Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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