he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
