You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
