...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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