in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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