i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
