i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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