I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
