I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
