2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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