Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
