Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
