you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
