I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
