WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
