Plan B is the new Plan A
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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