If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
