Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
