Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it because I queefed?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
