So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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