we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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