So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
