So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
