My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
