well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
