we're blogging at a bar
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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