were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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