Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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