That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
