sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
