Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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