Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
