you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Houston, we have a squirter
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
