my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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