He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
