I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
