i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
