saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do vagina's smell?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
