I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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